Safer (?) Silence
Hello sisters! The loss of voice and the role of silence in emotionally abusive relationships has had me writing in circles for the past month - there is so much to say, it was hard to know where to begin. This is the tip of that iceberg, in two poems - one about my experience, the other from me to you.
…
“Safer (?) Silence”
Silence seems safer
lest my words get twisted into unrecognizable ugliness
slapped across my face
stuffed back down my throat
so I pretend
only saying what I know is acceptable
to the meticulously polished image,
tiptoeing carefully around the growing minefield of all that isn’t talked about
blown up too often
by issue booby traps
hunting down the pieces of myself afterwards
sewing me back together
becoming more stitch than fabric.
Silence avoids setting off the avalanche of ice
impossible to live beneath
no energy to dig myself out from under
any longer
yet it builds
waits
for the right moment
to pounce
to bury me again
Please let me disappear
evaporate from here
gather in the clouds
and rain myself down
in a safer place
somewhere else
anywhere else
but here.
I am in that safer place now, thankfully. Perhaps writing is part of my healing - to finally have language for what once felt so unspeakable.
Whatever you are walking through, you don’t have to do it alone. There are safe places where your voice will be valued, your story believed, and you can move toward healing. While not everyone will understand, and not everyone will be able to walk with you, there will be those who can and who will. Even one safe person can make all the difference. A community is even better. Don’t give up. You are worth the effort.
For you, and for your beloved voice…(sort of a poem, sort of not)
…
“Unsilencing”
You are still there
the you who speaks freely
unafraid
the you with so much good to share
the you who has known pain
no one should ever know
the you who is worthy of being heard.
Yet your voice has been buried
by another’s relentless quest
to silence you.
You have been rejected
made unwelcome
told in a million different ways
that the world would be a better place
if you never spoke again.
Cruel lies to live under
watered and carefully tended by one who believes
quite honestly
that you should think what he thinks
and nothing more.
Yet it is only in that one relationship
your voice is unwelcome.
Only. That. One.
Absent of love and welcome
darkened instead by contempt
this one view does not have to define you
it is not who you are
though he would have you believe it is so.
You are saying what’s true,
what needs to be said,
what needs to be addressed
healed
repaired
so love can live and thrive in safety.
But
if he cannot engage with truth
he must silence you.
Maybe you even silence yourself
out of habit
out of survival
out of fear.
Maybe you even think you’ve won somehow
by choosing your own silence.
That too is a lie.
Don’t do his dirty work for him.
Every time you are diminished
you become more of a shadow of yourself.
You are not a shadow!
That cannot be your future.
You have substance
value
incredible worth
you shine like the stars
keep singing your story
your love
your pain
from the high arc of the night sky
brave
beautiful
strong
beloved you.
What would be helpful for you to hear more about? Let me know in the comment options below.
In the meantime, be wise, stay safe, and remember you are beloved,
Wendy
Just in case: 24/7 U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline, voice: 800-799-7233, text: “START” to 88788
Image credits: Ezra Jeffrey Comeau (iceberg), Simon Mumenthaler (rain), Jeremy Thomas (starry sky)