Safer (?) Silence

Hello sisters! The loss of voice and the role of silence in emotionally abusive relationships has had me writing in circles for the past month - there is so much to say, it was hard to know where to begin. This is the tip of that iceberg, in two poems - one about my experience, the other from me to you.

“Safer (?) Silence”

Silence seems safer

lest my words get twisted into unrecognizable ugliness

slapped across my face

stuffed back down my throat

so I pretend

only saying what I know is acceptable

to the meticulously polished image,

tiptoeing carefully around the growing minefield of all that isn’t talked about

blown up too often

by issue booby traps

hunting down the pieces of myself afterwards

sewing me back together

becoming more stitch than fabric.

Silence avoids setting off the avalanche of ice

impossible to live beneath

no energy to dig myself out from under

any longer

yet it builds

waits

for the right moment

to pounce

to bury me again

Please let me disappear

evaporate from here

gather in the clouds

and rain myself down

in a safer place

somewhere else

anywhere else

but here.

I am in that safer place now, thankfully. Perhaps writing is part of my healing - to finally have language for what once felt so unspeakable.

Whatever you are walking through, you don’t have to do it alone. There are safe places where your voice will be valued, your story believed, and you can move toward healing. While not everyone will understand, and not everyone will be able to walk with you, there will be those who can and who will. Even one safe person can make all the difference. A community is even better. Don’t give up. You are worth the effort.

For you, and for your beloved voice…(sort of a poem, sort of not)

“Unsilencing”

You are still there

the you who speaks freely

unafraid

the you with so much good to share

the you who has known pain

no one should ever know

the you who is worthy of being heard.

Yet your voice has been buried

by another’s relentless quest

to silence you.

You have been rejected

made unwelcome

told in a million different ways

that the world would be a better place

if you never spoke again.

Cruel lies to live under

watered and carefully tended by one who believes

quite honestly

that you should think what he thinks

and nothing more.

Yet it is only in that one relationship

your voice is unwelcome.

Only. That. One.

Absent of love and welcome

darkened instead by contempt

this one view does not have to define you

it is not who you are

though he would have you believe it is so.

You are saying what’s true,

what needs to be said,

what needs to be addressed

healed

repaired

so love can live and thrive in safety.

But

if he cannot engage with truth

he must silence you.

Maybe you even silence yourself

out of habit

out of survival

out of fear.

Maybe you even think you’ve won somehow

by choosing your own silence.

That too is a lie.

Don’t do his dirty work for him.

Every time you are diminished

you become more of a shadow of yourself.

You are not a shadow!

That cannot be your future.

You have substance

value

incredible worth

you shine like the stars

keep singing your story

your love

your pain

from the high arc of the night sky

brave

beautiful

strong

beloved you.

What would be helpful for you to hear more about? Let me know in the comment options below.

In the meantime, be wise, stay safe, and remember you are beloved,

Wendy


Just in case: 24/7 U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline, voice: 800-799-7233, text: “START” to 88788

Image credits: Ezra Jeffrey Comeau (iceberg), Simon Mumenthaler (rain), Jeremy Thomas (starry sky)

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