I’m ok.
You are so thoughtful…some of you have asked if I am okay re-living all this. Thank you. Yes, I am ok! The writing is intense, and can certainly feel very “now” to a reader. But know that enough years have passed (and enough of the hard work of healing has been done) to allow me the gift of reflecting on that chapter of my story in this way - and because I’m not also in the middle of trying to survive it.
Looking the terrible in the eye and creating something good out of it is a flat out redemptive transformation. I love it. It's not about denying the pain and pretending all is beauty. As we move through our pain, it can start shifting into the background - still there, still informing, yet giving beauty depth and substance, much like texture under a painting. So, even while observing and remembering the emotions and the dynamics, it's from this perspective. Wearing the fireproof creative gloves of art and poetry helps too. They allow me to get quite close to the heat without getting burned.
Maybe the words will help you decode your own experience, whether current or in the past - ? Maybe you’ll get more of your life back sooner - ? This is my hope, and why I’m sharing any of this in the first place. It really is all about you!
To be clear, I am not here to tell you what to do with your relationship. That is a highly personal and complex decision for you to make, and there are many factors to think through wisely and oh so very carefully. I respect whatever you choose to do.
May you find hope and companionship here in our safe, listening space that believes in and blesses your belovedness. Because that is who you truly are: Beloved. :)
Thank you for your kindness,
Wendy
Just in case: 24/7 U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline, voice: 800-799-7233, text: “START” to 88788
Image: Khadeeja Yasser, Unsplash