Hold Fast
“Together”
Media: Eggshells, acrylic paint, photography
My beloved sisters (and brothers too),
Sometimes all we can see is what is no more. We stand looking at our life in shards, so aware of the sharp edges, of the wholeness that is absent. It is that absence of what was once hoped for, of what can never be, that is a loss to mourn. Grief has a way of stripping us down, leaving us feeling exposed and empty...those times when there is no color inside or out. These paintless Tabiji Eggshells reflect that stark, raw honesty.
Emotional abuse has its own particular kind of grief:
the devastation of realizing that the one who says they love you sure seems determined to destroy you
the slow slide we can make into the fog of nothingness, just to survive
becoming consumed by our own anger, even as we seek to defend ourselves
the sense of our self being lost, slowly worn away as we are battered by contempt and disdain
wondering if we will ever feel alive again - maybe no longer caring
Preparing the eggshells for the Tabiji process is quiet, prayerful, and reflective. The shells are gently rinsed, each one supported with care. The inner and outer curves are freed from loose bits of shell and extra egg white. The crushed parts are held together gently so they can remain connected to the rest of their shells. As they fill with water and empty out again, I picture the many stories of loss in each broken half emptying out as well - my stories, your stories - held in and offered from these tiny spaces.
These are all losses to grieve, stories to be told - maybe now, maybe not yet, and certainly someday when the time is right. You will know.
Each eggshell bears God’s fearlessly compassionate touch, tracing a touch of gold over and around our jagged edges. There is no shrinking back here. Only tender, fierce love reaching out to name our brokenness sacred. Holy.
These bare, vulnerable days don’t have to stop us from walking forward together, in the strength of the beauty of our belovedness, for that is who we truly are. Grief is not meant to be carried alone. We are broken eggshells journeying through, holding the memory of what it means to be whole.
October is domestic violence awareness month. Stand tall and take up your sacred space, beautiful one. Tell someone what’s happening to you. You are worthy of love and respect. Always.
You are so very loved,
Wendy
p.s. if you’d be interested in a Tabiji Eggshell retreat to be with your grief and help prepare your heart for the holidays, click here for more info. Registration closes November 3.
Just in case: 24/7 U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline, voice: 800-799-7233, text: “START” to 88788
Image: Wendy Lew Toda