The question I don’t want to hear

For all of you who are walking - or who have walked - with someone on the offramp of life, this poem is for you.

…..

It's the question I don't want to hear

loitering too close

haunting me

if I can be so brave to admit it

What if she doesn't wake up?

Coming down the hall with your

careful step, adorable bedhead and gentle sweetness, 

just checking to see we were still there, I'm told

only up long enough to 

ask if it was ok to go back to sleep.

I said yes and back to bed you went

to rest your weary head

but it's been hours now

the question is getting in my face

being louder

peskier

I hush it

It gives me the eye

and keeps pacing the floor

She will wake up

I insist

holding that thought close

willing it to be true

But what if she doesn't?

Every time I leave I wonder

Was that it?

Was that the last smile?

Anticipatory grief weighs heavy

growling at the door of my heart

If this is her time

I take a deep breath

 Please no

another breath

and another

and pray she is doing the same.

....

©2024 Wendy Lew Toda

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Image: Gabe, for Unsplash